There are no words more annoying than telling someone to ‘Get over it’.
In saying this, the words imply no empathy, no compassion, indifference, waste of time, emotional desertion, and down right insensitivity.
Many folk just can’t ‘get over it’. Depression exists, because someone can’t get over their devaluation of self; suicide exists, because someone can’t get over ending it all; and narcissism exists, because some person can’t get over him/herself.
Anger over a situation may be due to feeling disrespected, embarrassed, let down, or allowing someone in a place that created the problem in the first place. These feelings will cause anger at the situation, at the person, and also at oneself. So how does one get over all of that?
Try understanding the root of the problem. It is the hurt. And if there is hurt, a level of vulnerability is impacted too. When we allow someone to hurt us, by the gesture of letting them in, we give them entry to a private place where many people are not allowed. Allowing that person “in” comes with a spoken or unspoken understanding, trust, and safety in a “you will not cause me pain” zone. And that trust is not given as freely as we would offer a glass of water.
So, we are battling with all of these feelings and to add insult to injury, the feelings of disappointment has left us helpless, because we gave away our trust, in hopes of that trust not being violated. But not only was it violated— it was raped and breached.
So, the next step is to talk about it. And the last thing we need to hear are the words, ‘Get over it’.
Getting over it takes some thought and pure objectivity. Putting the feelings to the side is the only way to think this through. If not, our feelings will speak for us, to us, while defending us. Thinking is not easy to do.
But it must be done, if we are truly interested in emotional healing and sealing up our vulnerability so we will not be impacted as much next time, as we were this time. This is the way to building emotional strength.
So, we think why did it happen? Was there anything we may have done— besides letting that person in? Did we take it like a victim and were we indeed the victim? Or did we say or do something that brought a repercussion in which we could not retaliate.
If we were the victim, why? Did we allow access to a vulnerable place to a person who did not deserve it? If so, okay. We own it. No more of that. That shit is over. What will we do next time in order to not be a victim this way again? We will identify the signs of the same situation shaping up again, and we will have a different response and reaction. It’s like rewinding the situation again, to get a different result. We will handle it differently next time.
Was ill-intent the motive of the person involved? Our instincts will objectively give us a play-by-play of the situation giving us clues we missed during the exchange. If there was no ill-intent involved, we go and rectify the situation by addressing the situation, and how it could have been handled differently. If ill-intent was the motive then what else could there be, but a selfish emotion of the person involved. If that is the case, we cannot remedy that. We chalk it up to resentment or jealousy and move forward. Because we know haters love to hate. Someone’s debilitating hatefulness has nothing to do with us. So we move forward with a smirk.
So, the next time someone decides to say “Get over it” there will be some thought and understanding of what is really going on. Rather than blow off the concerns, why not listen, and provide support.
We will eventually get over it, when we have worked it through, and are fully equipped to do it, not simply because we were told to do it.
The Relationship Destroyers 