Remake Your Relationship: Talk!

Posted on August 22, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Remake the Relationship2

Consider that if we live through one year, we wake up 365 days a year.  This means we can make a change in our lives 365 times in just one year.  With that number of chances for change, why not Remake Your Relationship?  Start off by really talking to one another!

Some of us are not talking. I do not mean the mundane questions of “How was your day”? or “Do you like the weather”?  Save that chatter for a stranger you meet on a subway train or elevator.

We fail to ask the important question like, “Baby, I want to be happy with you, but I’m not. I do not feel the closeness or the bond that I need.  I want to fix this.  Are you happy?”  

Think about it.  What is the worse that can happen?   (Now if you are afraid of getting a back handed face slap— may I ask, why are you there?) Otherwise, please explain to me why are we not having these types of conversations?

So, we say nothing. And we do things that will make us happy on the side, only to live a double life that weighs on our conscience, so we feel guilty in having someone on the side. When we avoid talking, there are other little things about our partner that begins to really annoy us.  This happens, all because we will not talk about what is important.

Some conversations are what we call, “makers or breakers”.  If the relationship breaks from that question it was destined to break anyway.

Maybe you can get your partner to open up and say he/she is not quite happy either.  Most likely he/she feels the same way.

Now let’s talk about what really matters.  The question is:  “Baby, I want to be happy with you, but I am not. I do not feel the closeness or the bond that I need.  I want to fix this.  Are you happy?”    

Sometimes the rightly phrased question can be the beginning of a higher level of open, honest and meaningful conversations.  Isn’t the relationship worth that much?  Isn’t your happiness worth that much?

To be with someone day in and day out, year end and year out, unhappy, while desiring someone else can be a fate worst than death!  Trust me; if you are in an unhappy relationship, you are emotionally dying anyway.  We need emotional nourishment.

We always say, “Life is too short”, yet we are willing to be unhappy.

Some partners make it difficult to talk. It does not matter how you try to talk to him/her about improving the relationship, it is taken personally.  Are we that sensitive that we take anything constructive as personal?  Can we get over ourselves on this one?!

You must be open so your partner can come and talk to you, without you being defensive.  Otherwise you open the door for your partner to talk to someone else.

In every relationship, there is a front door and a back door.  Being open keeps both doors closed in the relationship.  Being closed, keeps both doors open.  Think about that one.

Now when we are talking, it is always good to use the “we” word.  The word “you” is more accusatory and will be taken defensively by most partners.  Make both of you a part of the problem.  After all, it is quite possible both of you have not exhausted every possibility for strengthening your communication.  If you have, and have given up, then why are you still there?  So, most likely there is more talking to do.

There must be understanding.  We must agree to talk without escalation of the problem and exclude any other problems that are unrelated to us “talking”.  Talking about other problems, detour us from talking about the problem at hand.  So, we agree there will be:  no drama, no over talking, no yelling, no accusations, no threats, and no shutting down.  We are having a discussion and we agree to do this with the best understanding we can provide.  We will listen and allow each other to talk. 

Try having this conversation with your favorite beverage, cocktail or snack.  Do as much as possible to remove any stress on having this conversation.  Keep it light, yet honest.

If you talk it through, with understanding, you will most likely begin to feel a closeness and your conversations will become more up close and personal.

You may have just begun the first step to Remaking Your Relationship.

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My Relationship With Self: The Power of Visualization!

Posted on August 20, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

POWER OF VISUALIZATION

After the passing of my Mom and with all of the family negativity I encountered, I took time for a day of silence this past Saturday.  I call it my “Silent Saturday”.

I thought I always knew, but now I further know, why I do not engage in the lifestyle of negativity. It soils our spirit, our heart, plagues the mind and we are walking around with the burden of someone else’s negativity, which is not our burden to carry.

My pain came from those who I allowed to enter the threshold of my heart.  This forced me to self-protect and be in the position of my best defense.  But before I knew it, I was a participant in the cycle of negativity by simply trying to protect myself from it.

Even on the self-protection level, negativity acts as a toxin and seeps into the mind and can change your outlook.  Before I knew it, I felt heavy in my mind, I was angry, the situation plagued my thoughts, and I felt unproductive.

I found a way of protecting without becoming a partaker.  It is called deflecting.  Deflecting negativity is the best defense, because you are steering the negativity away from you, while not taking it on yourself.

I had to purge, meditate, clear my mind, and dive back into the dvd called “The Secret” and re-read “Your Invisible Power”.(Genevieve Behrend)  I did a stroll, alone, down Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn. I let the summer breeze gently blow away my mind’s residue of what I remembered.  Carrying bad memories of a bad situation, even for the sake of reliving the pain again and again, also creates bad energy.  Bad energy brings anger, pain and resentment. I allowed my mind to let it all go.

I did something a little odd, but powerful just the same.  My mind recalled a movie I have in my library called, “The Little Princess”.  I pulled it out and looked at it again, with a different perspective.  In doing so, I could clearly see the movie’s use of “The Power of Visualization”.  The young princess, after being told her father died in war, was stripped of her treasures and money, and forced to be a servant under the rule of a very bitter and hateful woman or be thrown out on the street.  After having to deal with the tragedy she went into her mind and visualized whatever she wanted.  She saw things, not as they actually were; which were bleak and hopeless, but she envisioned things as she wanted them to be.  What she would envisioned became her reality.  What she pictured in her mind, came into fruition!

There is a wonderful lesson in that.

The Power of Visualization is an extension, yet more powerful than the word we know as Faith. Faith is defined in the bible scripture as “…The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen“.  (Hebrews 11:1) Visualization takes faith and strengthens its power from hope to belief, then to an affirmative “know” to the point that you are envisioning what you want as evidence in the now— right now. You then begin to live as though it is now. Then the Laws of Attraction becomes more powerful and sends everything you are thinking, seeing, and attracting back to you.

Ever heard of the saying, “The rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer”? This is because we continue the cycle of our lives based on what we see in our situation right now.  We reinforce our bad (if you will) by seeing the reality of now.

You see it, you live it and you actually attract it.

If we live a life of negativity, we cannot execute the powers we control, because we are too weak by the forces of negativity to use any power we have at our disposal— like faith, hope, love, forgiveness, kindness, goodness, and mercy.  If we have dominion over our minds, above the negativity that surrounds us, we become stronger to do, see, or obtain anything we want.

“Absolute dominion is yours when you have sufficient self mastery to conquer the negative tendency of thoughts and actions“. —Your Invisible Power

I shed off the burden I picked up trying to fix situations I did not break. I removed the burden by lovingly letting go of those who wanted to emotionally dump on me. No. Those days are long gone now.

I let it all go. And more importantly, I am living in the Power of Visualization.  There is no room for the negative pain and negative mourning of others. I am sorry. I have been instructed to live. That is why I have been left behind and that is why my time is not quite yet!

I am back in balance again with a little more self power!

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