The Relationship of Bondage

Posted on July 26, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Bondage 2

The relationship of bondage.  One is held captive in a loveless relationship.

The captivity of this relationship is more subtle, yet intense.  It is a submission of one’s happiness to submit to a relationship, held by psychological obligation, or the fear of moving on.

The relationship of bondage is much more involving, because there are binding factors that will not allow us to break the chains of the relationship.  To get out is not impossible; and it is not easy either.  But rather than do what needs to be done to end the relationship, we make excuses for why we stay.

Life is too short to be unhappy in a relationship.

In a relationship, we are dealing with Love.  Okay, perhaps you can’t see its vastness beyond your four walls or beyond your world, but don’t you deserve more? Don’t you want the best out of life? Aren’t you here for a mission and a self fulfilling purpose that begins with you? Can’t you envision the possibilities of being with someone who is like minded as yourself, and who will love you as good as you deserve?  Don’t you want that?

There is a saying, “You made your bed, now lie in it”.  Okay.  You have!  You have done it. You have taken less when you wanted more. You have lain in that bed when you deserved to be elsewhere. You have done your time.

Now is the time and the time is you.

You are in bondage when your partner is manipulating situations in order to force you to stay. You are in bondage when you doubt that you and your partner even LIKE each other.  You know you are in bondage when you have resolved yourself to making excuses for staying.

You are just trying to accept and adjust to a level of insanity, in order for you to remain on course with your life. If you don’t you just might go a little nuts, or you might do something drastic.  So, you look forward to being away from your partner.  Going to work, or going out is one of the highlights of your day.  Anywhere but there.

You are mentally bound, because your thoughts have you trapped in a relationship you think you cannot overcome, being held captive by the situations resulting from the relationship, to the point you concentrate more on the impact of you ending the relationship, versus the results of you being free from the relationship.  (Psychologically trapped)

You are verbally bound, because you will not say how and what you really truly feel, in fear of an argument or the drama that will ensue.  You just keep the peace and seek solutions elsewhere.  (Lack of effective communication)

You are sexually bound. Your partner is hardly sexing you, but has no problem in being diligent in monitoring your comings and goings to ensure you are not sleeping elsewhere. (Sexual manipulation)

Your partner knows the relationship is unpleasant, and instead of focusing on improvement, you are controlled and monitored, by inquisition, invasion of privacy and social surveillance.  You are consistently accused. You are being held in captivity.

In the relationship of bondage you are questioned of any liberties you may choose to have.  You are neglected, unloved, unsupported, denied, and deprived of the essential needs for your emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, and psychological well being that you need from someone.

People are stuck, bound by fear, manipulated to stay in bad relationships, while being controlled to be in a relationship of bondage.

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Build The Bridge to Your Differences

Posted on July 25, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Build the Bridge 2

Many of your differences as a couple do not have to be the dividers of your relationship. Not all differences are dividers, but they are not actually building the relationship either.

You can bridge the gap of your differences, providing you share the necessary foundational commonalities.  Your relationship should not be a pull and a strain for the most important belief systems that drive you everyday.

What can we do with those differences?  You can bridge the gap with innovative solutions that just may work for you!  Working the differences to your relationship’s advantage can bring some very unpredictable and surprisingly pleasant situations.

For Example.  Your partner is ranting about you coming home late, and you did not call.  Rather than get upset, try to identify the areas of vulnerability as to why your partner is upset.  Perhaps you caused him or her to feel disrespected or slighted.  (Sometimes seeing the vulnerability in your partner is a turn on.)  In understanding this, and after listening to the concern, you can look seductively at your partner and say, “Baby, I hear what you are saying. You are right. I should have called to tell you I was running late.  I’m sorry……..Now you can choose to take this further, but if you do, you must sex me first. Then we can resume this conversation”.   

(Now, you might be thinking, is sex the answer? Well, folk pay for it don’t they? Folk even sex for it. Pimp for it.  Yearn for it. And some work for it.  Why not let it be a temporary deterrent to a stormy moment?)

While you are sexing your partner, hold tight and make it so good that thinking will be very difficult for him/her to do.  While you are kissing, ask how do you solve the problem? Let the situation create an edge to your lovemaking.  Squeeze tighter, passionately and grind deeper. Then say, “Oooo.. I will definitely call you when I am going to be late.  I can promise you that.  I’m sorry Baby”.

Now that is definitely working it out!

One of you is a thrifty and the other is a spendthrift. Spendthrift can work this situation into a profitable win.  Seek counsel and a budget from your thrifty partner on how to save money for a quarterly shopping spree, a trip, a vehicle, bike, or something you really want. 

Don’t know how to swim? Your partner does? Make an appointment for swimming lessons!  Your partner can be your teacher.

Is it because of you that sex does not happen regularly in your relationship?  Since you are coming up short, your partner can propose that you host a crazy, sexy, romantic evening; or you must fulfill a fantasy.  You both can determine the frequency of this deal.

You get the idea.

It is your partner’s night to do the dishes, but he/she is trying to trade the chore with you for another night.  Make it worth your while. Do you like deep massages, and your partner is very good at giving them?  Bargain for a one hour, hot oil, deep erotic massage. Together you can decide which night will be massage night. Do the dishes and get your erotic massage.

Do you have a partner who is a stickler for time management, to the point, where even YOU have to schedule one-on-one time? Okay.  Make an appointment to meet by the fireplace, or in the living room, for your must obey command!

Women: Need the garage cleaned? Make your partner a deal he cannot refuse. Offer to do something crazy, and make it something you will enjoy doing.  Make a deal, that if he cleans the garage, you will strip on the back patio when the sun goes down. Men are visual creatures. You won’t be stripping long.

Men: You want more sex?  I dare you to masturbate in front of her. Tell her to meet you on the couch for a show she won’t forget.

Bridging your differences takes a little thought, an open mind, a few angles, consideration of your likes, dislikes, and a willingness to talk and work towards a common place.  Think! Have fun!  

Either way you are working your differences, and interacting consistently.  You are communicating, creating options together for possibilities of resolution, adding a variety of ideas for sex, while having a few adventures.  Your differences are becoming workable strategies that will have you at the bargaining table bartering for something you want. Plus you can make some fun dares along the way.

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