What Are You Bringing To The Relationship?

Posted on May 8, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

You must bring value to the relationship.  Your contribution remains a continual question in the  relationship. Not just upon entering the relationship, but also the duration.

The value you bring either moves the relationship or it creates stagnancy.

Are you looking for a partner to fulfill your “self” needs?  Are you looking for an easy fix for your “self” work which is vital to your self worth, that only you can do?

Are you looking for contentment? Contentment is about how you live. Your morals and ethics. It is about you being pleased with your life, how well you treat others and not bogged down with the mistreatment of others, not being hateful and jealous, and  living a life of authenticity and upward progression.

Living with a clear conscience is achieved by letting your conscience be your counsel. Not those who will not tell you when you’re wrong.

What are you looking for in your relationship?  Are you looking for a handout? A parent you never bonded with? Or are you looking for a partner, a companion, and friend, to be beside you through the course of life.

What do you look for in a partner? A person who you can control? A person you can use?  Or a person who supplements and complements who you are and you can share your entire self with?

Do you know what love is?  Love is the highest feeling of care and like, and it deepens in a way that not only permeates every dimension of the relationship, but it allows two people to become close to one thought, one spirit, one mind, one belief, and goals.

How much of a burden does your emotional weaknesses put on the relationship? How much patience must your partner provide and put up with your weakness until you fix yourself?

What are your intentions? Are you in the relationship for you? Or are you bringing your best? 

Are you a taker? Are you the giver? Or are you a balance of the take and give.  Do you understand how reciprocity works?  You never take more than you give.

Are you communicating? Are you keeping an open dialogue with your partner?  Are you able to bring new ideas, various perspectives, and interesting things to discuss?

Are you boring to be with?  Is your partner carrying the relationship?

Are you listening?  Do you hear what your partner is saying. Do you provide your undivided attention when your partner is talking to you?

Are you a victim to your emotions?  Do you consistently rant because of your feelings without any logic or reason? Do you go on emotional spasms where what you feel becomes an issue in the relationship? Or are you able to drive your emotions by logic?

Are you sexually compatible?  Do you match your partner’s sexual frequency?

Are you sexually free? Do you sex in the zone? Or are you inhibited, and with too many restrictions? Is having sex with you boring?

Are you negative? You can note this by how many negative things you say in a conversation.  Do you have a quota to meet where you have something negative to say in every conversation?

Do you have gratitude? Do you have an appreciation for your life, and life in general.  Are you appreciative of your partner?

Do you think your partner owes you something?  Do you have a sense of entitlement?  Or do you know the value of self achievement and understands that no one— not even your partner owes you anything. So when you are the receiver of a gesture of kindness you are grateful.  

What value do you really bring to the relationship?

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You Need a Fire! (Part 5)

Posted on May 7, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Baby talk to me!

I need to tell you what is really in my heart. I need to tell you we are in this series, (You Need a Fire!) because I have lost something in this relationship and I want it back. Not only do I want it back, I want you back too.  See, I can lose you while we are still together.  I want us back.

I have learned that when we lose something in our relationship, we also have lost a piece of each other. See, the relationship is connected to you and me. And together we are the full spectrum of what this relationship is— good or bad.

I am not afraid as I was before to tell you what is in my heart. I have learned that if vulnerability is what was carrying my fear, I am no longer afraid of being vulnerable.

What is vulnerability really? An expose of what is in my heart? A revealer of what is on my mind? I would rather you know what I am feeling and what I am thinking. Now what I may fear is that you may reciprocate only a part of what I feel. I may even be devastated that what I have thought all along is now a hard reality in hearing the truth from your heart.  I will risk it. If the truth is what I need, then fine, I will handle it.

I am willing to take the risk.  Only in true sharing is where the real deep connection is anyway.

So I am taking the risk to talk. No more secrets and no more fears. If I am not happy, I want you to know. My desires and my dreams, I want to tell you.

I want more in this relationship. Now that I have been feeling the intimate connection, let’s strengthen that connection in sharing what we really feel.  Let’s strengthen us by talking.  And from here on, let’s always talk.

There are so many things to share Baby. Not about how my day was or yours. That’s child’s play in conversation. But what did we learn today?  Perhaps in watching someone while riding public transportation. Or something we read in one of the John Henrik Clarke’s books from our library. Perhaps there was something we saw on face book, like the picture of the meat with the tumor, so now we need to stop eating meat.  What do you think about that?  Perhaps you signed up for a class as you are always doing something new.

I want this relationship. Not for my own selfish needs, except for the fact, I want to be with you forever. If that is selfish, then I am guilty. But I am in this relationship for many reasons. I love you. I love you because you complement the love I have for myself. You are an extension of not only what I see in myself but what I can grow within myself. See, your strength is a challenge in my weakness. So, not only do I love you for who I see and know you to be, I love you in also what I can aspire to be.

I know what I can bring to you. I can bring you my strengths to balance your weaknesses also.  Together we can build on that goal you have on the back burner.  I can strategize with you to help achieve your goals.  Let’s take my professional skills and work them to building a business for us.

Let us bring our differences together.  We can use them to create the edge and adventure in our relationship. I am a pragmatist, you are an optimist.

My weakness is where you can help me. I am not the most positive person. So when I am ranting about the bad stuff that is happening in the  world, you can help me by deflecting (for your emotional protection) and  responding to my negative rant with a question that when you phrase it a certain way, it forces me to respond to your question with a positive response. I need that.

Sexually, I can be more, do more, and bring it harder. And I want to. Our sex can be much more exciting and much more frequent.

Anyway Baby, you see where I am. Now I need you to talk to me.

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