The Death of Love

Death of Love2

We are killing Love, and in doing so, we are dying.

Many of us are emotionally damaged, hurt, suffering from immense pain, because we gave our heart to a fool who mistreated and carelessly mishandled us.

From social disorders, to emotional fears, overwhelmed by loneliness, protection by use of false pride, unyielding stubbornness, and abandonment issues— all of these things are either generated, ignited or perpetuated from us being wounded by Love, or from Love being absent in our lives.  We have these ailments, as a mental defense mechanism for the pain we feel; for the pain that won’t go away, and our increasing sensitivity to the injury we have in our hearts.

We seek ways to self-protect, by any means necessary.

Generations before us have endured slavery, wars and battles, depression, ice age, various disasters and chaos, but somewhere between there and here, our generations have become decreasingly easily broken.  Broken in our minds and hearts of love lost that has left us depleted of mental and emotional strength.   There is a frailty that exists in our soul, mind and spirit; yet we are masking these weaknesses with toughness, bad attitudes, defensiveness, or a smile that would break into a cry if it could.

We may be the most technologically advanced people, but we are definitely not the strongest. We have more disorders now than ever before.

It’s not that we cannot handle the problems of love.  We were built to handle anything, because just like children, we too, are still resilient.  It is because many of us are too injured and emotionally paralytic to do so.

When we hurt, and shut down to Love, it dies within, causing us to break.  We need Love to have strength.  We need Love as a foundation to our existence, and it begins with self-love.  The degree of self-love (or not) is exemplified through the experience we give to others.  Growth and development is driven through the strength and aggression of self-love.

We very much want to be loved.  We don’t say it, but it is so evident in our behaviors of anger, frustration, desperateness, extreme tolerance, and hatred. It is indicative in our allowance for someone to abuse us and call it Love. We want so badly to be the core of someone’s affection; so we create our own illusion of self-importance in the name of narcissism.  We try to replace our generosity with selfishness, because being taken advantage of has been the repercussion for giving.

We desire and deserve to give our love freely, without having our heart cut up and thrown in our face, but we hold back in fear and lack of confidence, feeling we no longer know how to choose the right person.  Our past mistakes remain our present fear.  So much for our past being behind us.

Somewhere we have been convinced that being alone and strong for a while is the worst way to live; so we settle for the okie-doke.  We will settle for the worst person who could not sex a blow up doll into a fake orgasm if they tried; due to the belief that having someone is better than having no one.

Our statistics show, 39% of women will marry a man they know is the wrong guy. Our divorce rate is rising over a hard 60%.

In failing to rise above our pain, we create further misery.

When we are not loved, we become socially awkward and begin to lack the ability of empathy.  We fumble at the words of love’s true expression, and we fail at its authentic demonstration.

You have been wrongly convinced that you won’t find Love.  Being hurt by someone is par for the course of Love, but it was never meant to knock you off the course.

See, being hurt by Love, tells us just how vulnerable we really are.  This is Love’s side affect— vulnerability.  When we feel the pain from a broken Love, it was never meant for us to fall in a dark hole of depression.   It was to give us more experience of Love in order to become more acquainted with it, the good and the bad, and more importantly to prevent us from hurting someone else.

Never was Love’s pain meant to continue the cycle of pain.

If there was anything I could say to stop the cycle of pain, I would start with you.  You are much stronger than you think.  If your body has been designed to fight infections and diseases, what do you think the power of your mind holds? Your mind, once it is made up, has been known to heal the body; create your success through continual visualization by the picture in your mind’s eye.  It will work out your problems in a dream revealing the mysteries of your solutions and what is to come.  The power of your mind can transpose your illusion into a fake reality and vice versa.  Use it to find your power to overcome pain.

(Coming up next:  It Wasn’t Meant to Be — The Excuse)

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Mad at Him? Sex Him Anyway!

Mad Sex Anyway2Sexing after an argument or disagreement is a great way to overcome inhibitions, because you are ultimately working from a slight edge of anger.  Anger is totally healthy when you use it for positive results!

Let your anger be the driver to do the edgy sex stuff you have always wanted to do.

Sexing your man after an argument can happen only when you’ve learned to separate the issue from sex.  Rather than making him the core of your feelings, separate him from your feelings!  Sometimes look at your man as just a man.  Look at him as just a man in your bed.   Woman + Man + Bed = Sex

When you argue with a strategy, your emotions are secondary and logic is primary.  So, sexing your man becomes completely separate from the issue.

It is my strategy to retort back during an argument, and I do so calmly and in a-matter-of-fact tone, saying something I know will emotionally gut punch him, in order to create balance in the argument.  I would not do it normally, as we both have the knowledge and ability to hurt each other, but I use it as strategy in this case.  He then becomes angry.  So, this balances our position of feeling— together.  I work very hard not to relegate myself to being an emotional victim. 

When he and I are at a point, where the argument gets too hot, we table it, because it prevents the extra emotions we do not need. It is bad enough we have our vulnerability at stake.  

When I think about it, we are in disagreement, because we love each other.  My cool passion in the argument, his laid back strong style, and our ability to control it from being out of control, takes teamwork.  I love him for being able to do it, and I enjoy my power as woman to be able to table it.

There is a sexual place between the argument and the tabling of the issue. 

I take a shower, put on a revealing tight top, some nice lace shorts: and then I make a cocktail, or pour some red wine, depending on what I am in the mood for, and give him some of what I am drinking.

We are in the bed.  He has a movie on, but is reading a book— our night time past time.  I’m slightly interested in the movie, but I am feeling the tension as sexual.  He’s not doing that to me, it is me, enjoying the tension.  I pick up the book I’ve been reading, only for a minute, but I put it down.  I am sexually distracted.

I get out of bed, and bend over, on my side of the bed with my back to him, trying to find my flip-flops while giving him full view of my thigh gap.  I go to the kitchen.  Come back and get in the bed, crossing over him, on his side, and I kiss him on the cheek.  He lets me.  I kiss him again, while lying next to him, on his cheek down to the edge of his lips, and he does not resist me.  I am getting wet for him.  He continues to read.

Unable to help myself, I open my legs and slightly touch myself.  He cannot help but to look at what I am doing.

I lean over and kiss him again. Then I whisper in his ear, “Are you angry baby?  It’s cool if you are.”  I’m lightly kissing his ear. “Let’s work it out, without talking, you and me.”  His maleness is becoming hard.  This is all I need.

I straddle him, taking his book, and begin reading a paragraph from the page, out loud.  I say something in the text that is relative to our moment at hand, and turn the TV off allowing the night candle to glow.  I lean over and lightly kiss him on the lips.  His rising is what I feel between my straddled legs.  Ooh, I love when it does that.

I start to slowly grind with our clothes on as I grab my breasts through my top.  I lean over and kiss him again, but this time, I kiss him like I’m a little hungry.

My moves are smooth, but tentative, as I do not want to push him too fast. I want him to be a little angry still, just enough where he wants to resist, but is not able to.  This makes him my sex victim.  I am kissing him, gently sucking his tongue, brushing his lips, licking and sucking his nipples, as my hands drive deep into his arm muscles and chest where I know he is tense from working out.  This gives him pain and pleasure at the same time.

I sit him up to face me with my legs around his waist, allowing him to hold me tight as I work my fingers in his back.  We are deeply kissing and breathing as one.  My lips are on his shoulder so I kiss, lick and bite up and down on his neck.  The sexual energy is rising and my breathing is heavy as I rub him harder all over and I can’t stop kissing him.  He lets out a deep and throaty, “Baby”.  I move him on his back and take my top off.  Then I grab the headboard on the bed, right over his face, with my breasts brushing his lips.  I allow him to have a little taste.

I get between his legs, devouring him from head to toe, while taking my time to explore. He is so hard!  I work his inner thighs, breathing slowly on his scrotum, tantalizing his penis as I glide, slide, and suck with my tongue, licking, kissing, and moaning, as I go back and forth to his inner thighs and up to his chest.   Ooh…I almost cannot resist just taking him.

He tries to get up to take me.  I resist by whispering, “Oh not quite yet, you are still mad, remember” pushing him back with force and whispering, “You want me baby” as I take off my shorts.  There is nothing like feeling him raw on my clit, which is now palpitating.  My juices are running as I run my clit up and down his hard maleness.  I take his maleness and enjoy it like a candy cane, using the motion of a downward semi-circle cycle, while my tongue tease along the vein and circle his tip when I come up again. When I let him hit the back of my throat he gets a vibration as I hum and moan expressing my pleasure.  He let’s out a deep moan.

With the condom in my mouth I slowly cover him, while applying firm oral pressure until I get to the base.  Careful not to take him there too fast, I straddle him with my wetness and slowly allow him entrance while creating walls of resistance for added tension.  He is moaning and touching me.  He begins to gyrate.

I stop, but lean over him as I use my walls for variations of internal reflexes, pressure, pushing and squeezing, while saying in his ear, “Say you like it”.  He says nothing.  I squeeze him and his chest a little harder, whispering, “Say you like it. I need to hear you say it”.  He says it.  I tell him I didn’t hear it.  He says it again.

I start to rock him in a slow groove.  Looking at him, slyly smiling as my skin glistens with sweat by candlelight.  I keep the grove, but turn, holding him steady while still on top, now my back to him still rocking.  I’m gliding and squeezing in a slow, yet strong rhythm. I want to flip his penis on my pelvis, but I resist, and move to another position again.

The rhythm, the tightness, and our breathing are one.  We’ve lost control being in the zone.  He grabs me tight and hard.  I love it.  I have a small orgasm, but we don’t stop. Rolling around on the bed, with me still working his penis, he flips me over. As he flips me over to finally take me, I lift up to align my pelvis with his, and with just the right slight twist his penis hits my pelvis! He comes! Hard! Fast! The vibrations of his pounding orgasm, hits the back of my walls and I begin to come again.  He is laying on top of me now, and I can feel his heart pounding.  I come again, this time shuddering uncontrollably.  He holds me tight………

After 20 minutes of a nighttime nap, he lays behind me and holds me in his arms until the alarm tells us we are in a new day. 

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