The Relationship Destroyers

Some people believe that if you let go of someone, in the spirit of love, he/she will  come back and the relationship will be reborn, if it was meant to be.  Meaning, if the one you let go does not return, then it wasn’t meant to be.

Uh…what?

I question the will, perseverance, and sincerity of those who rely on the “It wasn’t meant to be” statement, especially when it comes to a relationship.

Check this out.  There is also a saying that goes, “It is up to me— if it is meant to be”.

See the difference in ownership, responsibility, take-charge, assertiveness and accountability of that statement?  Big difference!  This statement is more about having the aggression to make things happen. This is a power statement! Not some passive and pitiful approach to whatever blows that come your way.

Some time ago, I was dating a Guy and found him to be consistently uncertain, doubtful even, and extremely slow to make decisions.  He was slow about everything— even in handling business.

I’ve learned when you are dating someone to observe their behaviors, how they handle their business, buildings they own, and finances they manage. Observe how they care, manage, respond, in business and their social life.  The very same handling, responses, and behaviors will unfold in their relationship also.  If you don’t like the way they handle their business, you will not like the way they handle the business in a relationship either.

Now, some would argue that being slow to make decisions demonstrate great thought, consideration, and deliberate effort to make the best choice for the situation at hand.  I would respond with, perhaps, they are just slow, have a blasé attitude and need to work with more of a sense of urgency. Perhaps it also denotes his/her insecurity and lack of self-confidence to make a damn decision!

Back to the Guy.

Just like his business, his responses in the relationship and about the relationship were slow and poor.  He was poor in communicating; he lacked care and concern with matters of importance. He spoke in unknown parables and often times had to be led down a series of questions in order for me to begin to understand what he was trying to articulate.  Ask him a yes or no question? Forget it! He would hmmm, and ahh.  Yo!  Very vague and annoying!  All tell-tale signs of our failing future as a couple.

I had to let him go.

He called me a couple of days later and told me, I let him go, because if it was meant to be, we would get back together.

Huh? How about no?!

When I let someone go, trust me, I let go. I don’t let go to hold on.  I don’t let go and hold on.  I don’t play the game of hoping that letting go will generate a return.  I don’t set myself up for unnecessary risks.  I never relegate myself to being an emotional victim!  Those days are long gone.

I told him if God gave man dominion over the earth, surely man should be able to handle a relationship, and have dominion over his own actions and behaviors.  I am a believer, if two people really put their minds to it, and make consistent efforts, together they can do anything.  

Hoping in the return of someone, after you have made the decision to let him/her go, is a set up for self-failure. Putting your hope in the hands of someone who you had to let go, is a definite steer onto the path of emotional destruction.

There is always a slim possibility that Love letting go, can bring a return that was better than before.  Anything is possible.  However, not many people are making drastic and permanent changes that makes their come back worth taking them back.

The phrase, “It was not meant to be” should be backed by hard work, utilizing every possibility, giving the best of yourself, and doing your finest work.  Don’t just sit there and cite the words as a way out to not work hard for the relationship.  Some folk actually say it, like it is out of their hands, using the phrase as a cop out.

If you really observe them, they really put forth little effort, and then use an excuse of, “Well it was not meant to be”.  Really, how weak is that??!!!!

When you have exhausted everything and it falls flat?  THEN the saying, “It was not meant to be” is valid, tried and true.  Also there are no regrets (no wondering if) of what could have been, because you went through a process of trying to make things work. Tried every possible way to work things through.  Then you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt, and without any need for future contemplation that it really wasn’t meant to be.

So, should (when) that person tries to return, you have definitive information on what did or didn’t happen to cause you to let go in the first place.  Chances are you will not be interested in going down the same path of the behaviors that caused you to let go in the first place.

Trust me.  When you are an outstanding partner and you make the call to let your partner go, more often than not, (99% of the time) they will want to return.

In truth, we cannot control our partner.  We have no control over whether he/she will be honorable, or bring their very best, love completely, and deport him/herself to make the relationship successful.

We can only control what WE do, and we do have some say on what we will not take, and we can express by demonstration in our word, example, action and deeds, the quality and respect, we are so deserving of.  

So, before you say, “It wasn’t meant to be” make sure you were not the cause, because you were not doing your best “to make it be”.