I Can Change? Not Good Enough!

Posted on May 17, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

How many times have you heard the phrase, “I can change”?

When you hear those words, understand the implications. “I can” does not necessarily mean “I will”.

In most cases, we encourage people to believe and say positive things, like the words, “I can”.  Those words are encouraging, which is a convincing, and determinate way of looking at what is possible. They are the gate way to a world of unlimited.

Still, “I can” does not mean “I will”.  The possibility of a change is totally different from a change that is happening now.

So in the context of “I can change”………..

“I can change” is a positive combo, but together are very limited. Meaning, usually, the person that says, “I can change” may do so for a few weeks and turn back to the same old way of being, and the same old way of doing.

When change is an absolute necessity, the small possibility of an absolute (like just saying the words, “I can”) is not resolute enough.

The words, “I will change” is more absolute, and said with conviction, resolution, intent of action, and much more powerful.  Usually, that combination, with a singleness of your entire being, (heart, mind, soul, spirit) makes it a done deal.

The change is then in motion.

There is power in the words we say. You doubt it?  Test it. Always talk negative and watch every thing that is negative, come straight your way.  Always talk positive, and watch all things work in your favor.  We speak most things into existence.

Do not see change as a pain.  View it as a way to see many different perspectives in which to live differently, and much more productively, or more healthy and last, but not least lovingly.

Let’s say your doctor said you cannot eat chicken any more. It is a natural reaction to resist/disobey a mandate. That is the beginning of temptation. Which is why temptation is so powerful. Take away the mandate— you remove the power of temptation.

Okay, can you eat fish? Yes? Allow your mind to explore and create 100 ways to make fish delicious.  There are many, many types of fish that can give you different textures and flavors that chicken is limited in providing.

Gather and control your mind.  The mind is your power base, initiator, the controller and executor of everything you want to do.  Use it to view change in various and exciting perspectives.  Every change brings something new and different to your life’s experience.  Do not fight it.  Embrace it!

Change is the path to growth.  Cannot change? Cannot grow.

Change is not difficult. It just takes a made up mind. And doing that is not hard when you rationalize why change is a necessity for you.  Set the mind. Do not change because someone is asking you to do it.  It must be a change you want. Think of the reasons why the change is good for you.  Envision the results and consider if those are the results you see yourself living with.  If you are good with that, then make the first step. Just one. The next day make the next step. You are building a staircase day by day to the change you are creating. You will find that implementing the effort to change is actually changing you!

During this process, note your progress. Celebrate it. Take note of your reactions when something would normally gnaw on your nerve.  You will feel the change. You will notice the folk and things you thought were valuable just may be slightly devalued depending on where you are in your mind, and heart!

Find your power in the “I will change” versus “I can change”.

Posted in Self | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Emotional Level

Posted on May 14, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

The emotional level is just as is sounds — touchy, feely, sensitive, defensive, and reactionary to any combative situation or conversation without the drive of thought, logic or reason. 

We are not thinking, we are simply feeling.

If we could just pause the emotional script, for just 5 seconds, and allow our brain to quickly work for us.  This would result in us being better at creating solutions to conflicts with less impulsive reactions in which we will regret, or have to apologize for.

If you’ve seen the movie Sherlock Holmes, played by Robert Downey Jr, you will recall a fighting match in which Holmes was involved, where he told his opponent, he was done fighting, and began walking out of the ring, giving the win of the fight to his opponent.  But to keep Holmes in the fight, his opponent hocks up and spit on the back of Holmes’ neck as Holmes was trying to exit the ring!

Holmes paused, and said to himself, “This mustn’t register on an emotional level”. His mind rapidly fast forwards, and enacts, play by play, the damage he was about to inflict on his opponent, with enough pause time to also diagnose the soon to be inflicted injuries.

The spit on the back of his neck forced Holmes back into the fight.  He began to fight, executing skill and precision, for every kick, blow, slap and strike, play by play, just as he envisioned, until he knocks his “hock spitting” opponent out of the ring.

We could incorporate the same, “This mustn’t register on an emotional level” mentality.

There are many advantages in adopting this mentality.  We could execute more damage (yes damage) with rational responses, and physical defenses as necessary.  We can analyze the motive of the opponent with accuracy, (as well as their level of stupidity)  we can laugh at someone talking about us, and handle a verbal back stabbing with an understanding of the lame source from which it came.

We give people the power to control us through our emotions, especially when they know how we will respond.  We grant people manipulation rights and give them access to regulate our reactions.

Boxers and other athletes understand this strategy very well.

Logic is not devoid of emotion, it is just not driven by it.

Registering on an emotional level in times of high intense situations only weakens our response, and our fight, which is not in our best defense.

Taking a moment to pause, and process situations will result in a response of reactionary thought versus reactionary feeling.

When we make decisions in the middle of a combative situation, it will be a sound and final decision from rational judgment, versus one we will digress on later— all because we acted in anger.  This will solidify our word, thus our bond. It is important to say what you mean and mean what you say.  Your credibility is always at stake and it begins with your word.

Programming our minds to stop, and think, will help us to “….not register on an emotional level”.  We will have less intense arguments, and people will not get to us so quickly.

The most powerful part of all, is a non— emotional answer can psychologically  maim or silence anyone who insists on being confrontationally stupid.

“This mustn’t register on an emotional level”.

Posted in Self | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment