You! The Relationship Destroyer.

Posted on June 20, 2014 by dontdestroyrelationship

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The destruction in your relationship lies within the areas of your weakness. It lies within the areas you need to master.

Your contribution of destruction comes from what you have not conquered.  The unfinished self-work you are not doing.  This makes your destruction more insidious, and more powerfully destructive than any outside force can ever be.

Your destruction may not cause an argument. It may not even be as blatantly obvious as a lie, but it corrodes and kills in a way that is a lot less confrontational.

Your relationship is as vulnerable as your weakest weakness.  Forget about destroyers like, lying, cheating, abuse and the like.  Mostly likely, if you are reading this, these destructive behaviors you do not have.

We understand there is a list of emotional and behavioral destroyers that we either do or say.  We also know it is the things we do not say or do.  In a relationship we are either building or destroying.

The comfort zone is your limiting parameter. It is as far as you will go with your heart, your emotions, imagination, and your sexual abilities— even though, you know, stepping out of your comfort zone will bring unpredictability, creativity, and enhance your varietal dynamics in order to defeat the ho-hum pattern of your relationship.

The inability to love yourself, impacts your ability to love.  Your relationship will only go as far as your limitations.  Your inner fear puts constraints on your love and its demonstration.  Your heart is in bondage, so you cannot give love freely.

Insecurity impacts what you should, but do not feel about yourself, and it is revealing about the trust you cannot invest in your partner.  Jealousy is a byproduct of insecurity and it rears its ugly head in the areas of the trust you cannot provide.

Procrastination is not only about what you are stalling to do in your life, but it will hinder and prohibit most of your decision making.  It will stall you from being decisive and dealing with issues in the relationship.

Whatever you are or whatever you are not— mirrors in your relationship, because a relationship is not separate of who you are, it is reflective of who you are.

Notice the powers of destruction that limitations have.  Limitations are a silent killer in a relationship, because they will only allow you to go so far.  Meaning, you are incapable of going the distance.  Limitations will bring you to the place where you have nothing more to give. You’ve reached a dead end.

Then without warning, and without having an argument, the relationship hits the end of the road.  It comes to an end, yet no one said the relationship is over.

Being oblivious to what is happening; both partners resume life as if they are together.  It is only a matter of time before someone realizes that they just grew apart.  After awhile being together will begin to feel foreign, and uncomfortable.   Conversations will become meaningless and even redundant.  There will be an uneasy silence when you are with your partner.

Without understanding what is going on, one of the partners will begin to grow outside of the relationship in order to continue to stay in an empty relationship.  Focusing on self is one of the first things people pursue when they find they are in a failing relationship.  This diminishes the similarities and commonalities of what the relationship had before.

All because your limitations and refusal to grow and expand has reached its limit.

Neutrality is a relationship destroyer in the ways of unresponsiveness in word or deed. Good relationships are made and maintain when both partners are attentive, active, engaged, interacting and responsive to each other.  Not knowing what to say or failing to try is a tragic way to conduct a relationship.

Do you have an addiction or hobby you do not balance in your life?  You spend more time with the addiction than you do in your relationship?  Perhaps you cannot address issues directly?  Do not like confrontation?  Being direct is the only way to address an issue.  Dancing around it, ignoring, or back burning it will leave a pile up of unaddressed issues.

Self mastery is paramount to you not destroying your relationship.

We all come with something we need to work on.  Life in all of its unpredictable moments leave us where we are either conquered or we are the conqueror— the wins and defeats will reflect in our relationship.

Self mastery is paramount to removing ways you destroy your relationship.

A weakness brings destruction because a relationship is always impacted by what you think, feel, respond, and process.  You can build your relationship daily by confronting your fears, expanding those tight areas of limitations, increasing your  demonstration of love, mastering those weaknesses, work on being fun to be around, being passionate, and stepping out of your comfort zone.

Pushing out your parameters of limitations will increase the value you bring to the relationship, and more importantly, your life!

A relationship should be a thriving and fun place to be.

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Relationship: She yelled, “Let’s Go!”

Posted on May 16, 2014 by dontdestroyrelationship

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See if you can figure out this relationship situation.  It happened right in front of my building.

The Saturday afternoon of Mother’s Day weekend, there was a female voice I heard yelling on the block.  It was not directly in front of my building, but the voice was so loud, so strong and so demanding.  I had to see what was going on.

There was this brother, 6 feet, and 135 pounds, standing in front of my building,  expressively trying to talk to a woman who was down the block, way in front of him, and out of my window’s view.  I could not see her, but I could definitely hear her.

I could barely hear him, and he was in front of my building.  He kept trying to explain something to the woman, but regardless of what he was trying to say, the woman only responded with “LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Huh?

He said, without yelling, “I am only trying to —–““

He never got the chance to say the rest of his sentence, nor was he able to get his point across, because the woman yelled again, from down the block, “LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO!”

He shrugged, waved her off, and said, “I don’t wanna go. You don’t wanna hear what I’m saying, so you go.”  He turned around, and started walking the other way, back to where he came from.

“LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO!”  She said it again, but she held the word ‘go’ as if it was an echo.

After walking 5 feet, he turned back around and here comes a darling little girl, running happily towards him from the woman yelling down the street.  The little girl had to be around 5.  She grabbed his hand and called him Daddy.   He said, “Nah. Go with yo Momma. I’m not going.”

The little girl ran back to her Mother, who by this time had walked up in front of my building, with two other darling little girls holding her hand, yelling to him, who by this time, he had left my window’s view.

She barked, “LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO!  I CAN’T HANDLE THEM BY MYSELF!” Her vocal power was supported by the height of 5’2 and 195 pounds.

By this time, he had walked back in front of the building to face her saying, “I am trying to say ——“

“Oh let it go!  Let’s go!”

Those were her words as she turned around, with her girls, and proceeded back up the block where she was headed before, with him quietly walking with her, as he stared silently at his phone.

And that was that.  They went on with the obvious normalcy of how life is in their relationship.

The three little girls did not seem at all surprised at the loud words coming from the mouth of their Mommy.  As a matter of fact, they looked at their Dad, as if to say why was he taking so long.  Clearly, this type of communication is what they are accustomed to.

Hmm…

Yep! You know it.  There is a communication problem and a lack of respect in that relationship.  Giving a loud demand,  while your partner is trying to communicate, clearly shows it is not a partnership.  This situation implies dictatorship.

There is very little understanding.  If understanding was a part of their relationship, she would have stopped yelling her two word dialogue and would have been willing to listen.  With her bellowing, and him maintaining composure, despite her verbal and public emasculation of him, tells us that when she is upset about anything, she does not communicate much about it.  She yells about it.  She does not talk very much to obtain solutions either. If her man has a problem, she doesn’t listen or provide much support. She expects him to move on and get over it.

He validates her behavior by abiding to a two word demand.  That day was not his first time dealing with that.

What are they teaching those beautiful girls? It is okay to yell down the street and allow the entire block to see your relationship, while leaving it open for speculation.  They are both teaching those babies about communication.  The messages’ cues are:  don’t communicate, just yell out loud and he will do what you say.

What are they both teaching regarding the treatment of men?

The message is, don’t hold him in high regard. Don’t listen to him.  What he feels or says is not important.  Don’t respect him. Emasculate and humiliate him in public in order for him to submit to what you want.

Through his obedience to her demand, he is validating her behavior.  Although he is showing some respect, because another type of man may have belted her in her loud mouth.

But then again, those types of women do not have relationships with men who would belt them in the mouth.  They definitely know who NOT to yell at.

The evidence of three beautiful girls is also very telling.  He gave his woman three babies.  Even though he is not happy with her, he had three beautiful baby girls with her.   Eventually, if he hasn’t already, he may step out to another woman, who is willing to listen and will lovingly encourage communication.  He will stay in the relationship with the “Let’s Go” woman, because he knows his beautiful daughters need and love their father.

The words “Let’s Gooooooooooo” do not belong in a relationship, as an override or a position of dominance to an issue or problem.   It is very appropriate for a competition or a race, where a group may need loud and aggressive encouragement.

Otherwise, the words, “Let’s Go” has gotta go!!!

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