Self Commitment

Posted on January 29, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Self Commitment is the foundation of all commitments.

We believe all things start at home— home training, manners, eating habits, upbringing, etc. This belief can also apply to everything that extends beyond the inner self. Loving, believing, trusting, committing, determination, values, and qualities, — these things and more starts with self. How can we really love someone when we do not love ourselves? We can measure the self love we have; by how much we love our partner.

Building self commitment takes work, but it is very rewarding.

Know yourself. This takes going back to your origin— your history. History is the revelator of your past, while leading you down the path of knowledge in knowing how the past impacts life and current conditions. It helps you to understand the axiology of your people which impacts not only the relationship with your partner, but all people. Read: “What They Never Taught You in History Class.” It is a fascinating read and I see people of every kind reading this book.

Love Yourself. Appreciate your accomplishments. Know what you are good at. Become one with yourself and become familiar with your vulnerabilities and your strengths. A great book for this is Iyanla Vanzant, “In the Meantime.”

Forgive Yourself. Yes of your past. If it was not your fault— don’t own it. If you have a past that you are not proud of, reconcile that as the “former” and move on in the “new” you. Forgiveness is a heart purifier. It will allow you to genuinely forgive others.

Be Patient. Yes, you will need time to work on you. Enjoy the continual journey. When you have stopped working on yourself, know that you are not developing into your best self. Take your time, put in the work, because if you don’t you are wreaking havoc on someone’s life. Everyone pays for your inner fears, secrets and unfinished work.

Remove the Anger: I am a believer anger breeds cancer, tumors, sickness, etc. Work through the anger. It is very difficult to remove anger without a resolve or some recourse to satisfy it. Channeling it puts the passion in a workout, a lecture, a conversation, a punching bag, even a cause that needs your passion. This is where anger becomes productive.

Take every experience and begin to inner incorporate as to how you are better because of it. If you work the experience, rather than allowing it to work you, you will be stronger while building your wisdom database. Even if the intent of the situation was to destroy or discredit you, allow it to work for you rather than against you.

What are your goals? What is your daily plan for achieving them? Read: “177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class” Steve Siebold. If you do not have any goals you are being stagnant.

Speak truth, and allow others to speak truth to you. Truth toughens your heart, mind, soul and spirit. It is like taking a punch. Take it! However, do not take in the feelings of others, unless there is reasonable support of the emotion. Never mix emotion with truth or fact.

Stay true to you. Do not be swayed by everything someone says. Do not always be found in the mainstream. Be outstanding in your own right. Be an individual.

Appreciate everything. Everyday try to wake up with gratitude. Be grateful to be alive and make everyday count. When someone gives you something, be appreciative. Do not feel you are entitled. Appreciation creates a newness of perspective and happiness for living.

Keep your word. Never deviate from it. If you can’t keep it— do not say it. Your word is you and you are your word. Be committed to your word.

Be responsible and take ownership of a mistake. It takes a strong character to say, “I messed up.” Knowing mistakes impacts your credibility; you will be diligent and work to limit mistakes. Own it. Learn from it. Then move on.

Be confident you can do anything you want to do. Forget the naysayers and non believers. Sometimes do not tell anyone— just do it. Your will is yours and yours alone. It comes with your invisible power. Read: “Your Invisible Power” by Genevieve Behrend

Develop your heart to be giving. Remove selfishness. Give when in your power to give.

Being self committed is about building your value system. Your value system will impact your relationship in many ways. The results from your internal work, makes you stronger, knowledgeable, and understanding. Your understanding will expand because you will be able to see yourself in others, which will create empathy for their plight.

You will be more dependable, credible, accountable, and responsible. Your self confidence will build due to the knowledge you are building and the accomplishment of what you are seeking to achieve. This will validate who you are and you will begin to understand as to why you are. Your appreciation for all things will enhance your self esteem, solidifying your aura, where others will see it. Some may even be intimidated. That is okay. Consider it as a filter for who should be a part of your life. Everything is not for everybody. You only want those who love you and are sincerely for you, to be with you. Some will misinterpret your self esteem and confidence as lacking humility. This is par for the course. Know it is not that you are so stuck on yourself (folk are quick to think you are—aren’t they?) but you have paid your dues and have certainty of what you know about you. No one can do that for you, but you.

You will not take abuse, half ass results and selfish behavior from others, because being an advocate of truth will strength your truth IQ, to discern the artificial from authenticity. Your output from self creates the input of quality into your relationship and your life. The quality you put out will return the quality of life back to you.

You will take the relationship to levels you could not before— not because a commitment is necessary, but the commitment to you and your well being is even greater. What you put into your relationship is only a holistic flow and benefit from building the self commitment.

Making appreciation your daily companion will generate the laws of attraction to ignite the universe to bring you more and more goodness!

Self Commit!

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Right vs. Let’s Get it Right

Posted on January 26, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Sometimes, we find ourselves in an argument with our partner. When all is said and done, what have we really said, and what have we really done? Nothing.

We have all heard the statement in the throes of an argument, from our partner, who says, “Fine. I was wrong. I don’t have a problem in saying when I’m wrong, but you have a problem in saying when you’re wrong!”

What the hell?! That one statement speak volumes! It speaks to a number of emotions that has nothing to do with me— nor the problem. You have way too much Pride. Does it really hurt that bad to say you are wrong? You feel anger, but the admission of being wrong, in its truest sincerity, is not laced with anger. Do I also detect frustration? Are you annoyed that your argumentative position have run out of reasons for you to be supportive of your position? If you have admitted you are wrong, you are in turn admitting that I am right.

Perhaps you are not really saying you are wrong. Are you saying that to make peace? Perhaps you are surrendering to being wrong only to end the argument? Now you have reduced the argument to a marathon? So, he who cannot endure is wrong?

Next, there is your accusation directed at me. You did say to me, “… but you have a problem in saying when you’re wrong.” Your admittance of being wrong have to be about me? Or are you really angry at me for being right?

Either way, the real issue of what got us here in the first place is lost in your emotional upheaval.

Let’s forget about who is right and let’s just get it right!

Must we always wind down to who is right and who is wrong? We are programmed and conditioned to think this way. Think about the conditioning. We have religion vying for who is serving the true God. We have the wheels of justice that executes a system of when the process is over, a verdict is rendered— guilty (wrong) or not guilty (right). There is the battle of those who have ethics and morals against folk who have no morals or ethics. Everything comes down to being right or wrong. We bring these parallels into our bedroom, and execute the system of right and wrong in our relationships. Every discussion is about whose perspective is right and whose perspective is wrong.

Let’s forget about who is right, and let’s just get it right.

In an article, called, “You Are Wrong, I Am Right” http://intelligentchallenge.com/2011/01/16/you-are-wrong-i-am-right/ explores the need we feel to be right and have the other person to be wrong. We will take a position, and hold firm in that position, rather than seeing the other position objectively. Andrew even supports his blog post with the fact that this behavior is one of Western society.

This caused me to think about the pyramids we built in Egypt. The pyramids were built with the highest of intellect and in the spirit of “we.” They were built in a time when we were builders. They were built in a time when there were no other options, but to build relationships and villages. The pyramids reflect the psychology of Afrikan thought— not Western thought. We need to apply this same psychology, which we ourselves have created, into our relationships when in conflict.

Rather than bring the scales of justice into our relationship, let’s agree to see the position of both you and me. Let’s bridge the gaps of our position to build something new and unique. Rather than refute the points we disagree with, let’s make it a priority to explore and find a way to fold into our relationship. The contingency is— we must have logical support in our position— free of emotional content.

When it is all said and done, we should not judge each other. We complement each other by supplementing our differences and unifying our commonalities. As two intelligent individuals, let’s strive for the higher echelon of “us.”

Let’s explore ways to love each other. A part of that comes from us loving ourselves— first. Let’s move away from the mundane relational things of society and move to higher grounds— like feeling each other when we are apart. Can we move away from the average belief system of relationships getting old, dusty and boring, because folk believe the thrill is gone after the newness and the chase is over? Why can’t we make everyday count through appreciation, the demonstrations of our love, the new things we learn every day, the new perspectives we gain, and share this with each other?

Can we create ways to develop more intimacy sexually? There are at least 300+ sexual positions. Can we take our love making to defy the law of quantum physics, where two objects cannot occupy the same place at the same time? Can we make love without inhibitions, and hang-ups, while we groove, slowly, passionately, I take the top, where our breathing becomes one breath, and we are sweaty in the candlelight, lost while sexing, then you take the top, taking us to higher throes of ecstasy we have not experienced together before?

And in the quiet times we share, while sipping on our favorite nightcap or beverage, let’s talk slowly, lovingly, understandingly, while holding each other, as to how we can better support and improve our emotional system.

Knowing there is a solution to everything under the sun— somewhere between the sun and us is our solution. Let’s seek to find it.

Rather than focusing on who is right— let’s just get it right!

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