Fear the Fear

Posted on January 25, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Fear. The Final Frontier in Space for everything that ends in nothingness. The holder of regrets. The place where the would’ve, the could’ve, and the should’ve dwells. Many lives have ended with their dreams, unfulfilled, and left out into the vast space of Fear.

Fear is defined as “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.” http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fear

Did you catch that? “…whether the threat is real or imagined..”

According to the website, “Fear’s Amazing Statistics” http://www.fearofstuff.com/featured/fears-amazing-statistics/:
“40% of what you worry about will never happen; 30% of what you worry about or fear are things that happened in the past and can’t be changed; 10% of what we worry about are considered by most to be insignificant issues; 12% of what we worry about are issues about our health that will not happen. This means that 92% of what we fear or worry about will never take place.”

What about the remaining 8%? It is the actual percentage of our real legitimate concerns.

This means fear have us paralyzed into doing nothing, and traumatized by nothing– all for nothing, but— what— 8%? Now that is nothing!

Let’s expose the element of fear and how it works. Fear has to be the most powerful emotion— aside from Love. Reason being, it is the most paralyzing emotion. It has the ability to break down its hostage to do nothing, and to be nothing, with nothing, but illusion— all for nothing.

Fear is the eliminator of our will. It comes in the form of the naysayer. Fear. The reason why we stay in misery. Fear. The “no” behind venturing out into the unknown and the reason why we stay in our comfort zone.

Fear. The reason why we don’t “just do it!” (Nike) Fear. The reason why we don’t reach our full potential. Fear. The reason why we over-react. Fear. The reason why we do not act at all. Fear. The producer of doubt. Fear. The reason why we do not really believe.

Fear. The reason we will go with the crowd and not take a stand. Fear. When we love, but won’t say it. Fear. Too proud to say it. Too fearful to try again. Too fearful to love again. Fear. We will tell a lie rather than tell the truth. Fear. The reason we will believe a lie, rather than believe the truth.

“Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”—Franklin D Roosevelt
Well, that is because everything else is only an illusion of fear.

Fear is behind most if not all of the negative emotions we feel. It is also behind all of our inhibitions and inhibitors:

• The feelings we have toward someone that makes us feel envious, jealous and resentful (What haters feel!) These feelings are manifestations of our inner deficiencies, insecurities and lack of will.
• Selfishness is an indicator of our lack of abundance. We fear being without or being depleted of what we have.
• Sadness and anxiety is what we feel when we have surrendered emotional control. Rather than choose happiness, we have lost the will to choose. So, we are overtaken in these moods, because we lack the courage to steer our emotions.
• Anger comes from pain. Pain creates fear of being hurt again. So we self-protect. The anger is the comeback response to ensure we do not expose further vulnerability.
• Discouragement is the powerless feeling we experience when we have been stripped of our power. Worrying and feeling sorry for ourselves is easier than it is to fight.

In the book, “The Power of Concentration” (Dumont) the author puts emphasis on the internal power versus the areas where we feel less powerful. Rather than focus on fear, he suggests we concentrate on courage. If we make courage the focal point, each situation at a time, we will strengthen the courage within us.

We will always be confronted by fear. It will either confront us directly or through someone around us. It is a part of the universal balance. Good would not exist without evil, and vice versa. We can look at fear as a gauge for each time we overcome it, step by step, along the way. It can also serve as a marker of our growth.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the acknowledgement of something greater than fear.” (Movie, Princess Diaries)

YOU are the something greater!

Live fearlessly!

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Say It!!!!

Posted on January 23, 2013 by dontdestroyrelationship

Why is it so difficult to say the deepest thoughts of the heart? Why do you withhold a kind word or compliment to someone you love? It is only an expression of love.

If you are an advocate of truth and you claim to speak the truth—–then speak the truth that is in your heart, especially if it is a compliment.

If you feel something, say something!

You know your sweetie looks good, leaving home for the office, yet you hold back in saying so? What are you doing? Giving him/her to the world, and serving them on a platter for someone else to tell them?

No external force should do more for your partner than you are doing at home. No one should outdo you in loving. No one should out say you. No one should out work you. When you hold back on the loving, you allow your partner to become vulnerable to the kindness and compliments from someone else. If you leave your partner with a reservoir of doubt regarding your love and support—- you put it there. That is your fault. Should an external force comes between you and your love-— hey you did it! Every affair starts out with a word of expression.

Please know someone will look at your partner, knowing how hot he/she looks and will make no reservations about saying it. Yet, you can’t say it? How can you sit back comfortable in your relationship and you cannot do something as simple as give a compliment?

The grass always looks greener on the other side. Keep your grass hedged, nurtured, fertilized and watered! Dethatch that grass!

We lose because we choose to hold back.

Always stop to give a compliment, hug, kiss, tap, wink, or a smile. Do not fail to make him/her feel good. Find a way—every day. Look them in the eye and say something like, “Baby, I love you. I need you. I am so glad to have you in my life.” Say it!!! You know your man is fine, say it! You know your woman is fine, say it! Trust me, if you won’t, someone else will. You better know someone will get with your man. Hold on to your woman, because someone will hit that. You know it. Keep acting like you don’t know what is going on. You just may be met with an external intruder for whom you have opened the door.

You are breeding destroyers in your relationship. You are taking your partner for granted and creating vulnerability in the relationship. You are not building a foundation that is healthy and nourishing. You are not a good communicator. Communication is not just about skill, it is also about the will to say what you feel. And your heart is closed. An open heart is willing to love the object of its affection. You even lack affection. If you lack affection, your performance in bed may be more aggressive, while being detached. Who wants that? Aggression and passion is the way to go! Did I mention you are most likely inhibited? If you are inhibited you are limited in the bed. If you are limited in bed, you are not a good lover.

Check yourself before you wreck your relationship.

If you can be strong enough to criticize and judge, you can be just as strong in giving a compliment. If you have no problem in expressing anger, be just as diligent in expressing your love.

I can hear someone saying, “Well if she/he is going to go, it is nothing I can do.” That is the most fearful punked bunch of buffoonery. You are just making an excuse for being lackadaisical. You are doing a bunch of nothingness. A bunch of nothingness says everything.

Some of you are holding back. Why is that? Are you so limited and shallow that you have to ration out love because if you love hard every day you will have nothing else to offer? If you believe that about yourself, you will be alone – soon and often! Be about yourself! Get interesting! Read! Be adventurous! Get a hobby! Get creative! Work it!

Some of you are fearful and trying to protect your heart. (May I say the fear factor is so played!) What can you possibly fear? Getting hurt? You need to strengthen up. Fortify. Get that emotion in check. You are fearful to share your feelings because the relationship may not last?

If tomorrow is not promised, because it is controlled by a higher power, why do you require the promise of tomorrow from a mortal? If you are fearful of loving, you are missing out, all because you need the promise of one word. Tomorrow? You will not get it. You can hope. You can plan. But what you do have is now—– this moment and this day. Love today as if it were your last.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the acknowledgement that there is something greater than fear.” (Movie, Princess Diaries) Understand that sometimes love comes and it goes. Maybe you will encounter the experience of love leaving, we all do, but love will come again. It is a journey. Learn to love each of your loves in his/her time and place. Get ready for it. As you enjoy yourself, you are preparing for the love you were born to love. This takes preparation. So get ready through every loving experience.

Say it!!!

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